Hi all, hope all well with you all in the current climate it’s been one hell of a year let me tell you.
I started 2020 single, and ended it single too. Surprised? No. Bored? Yes.
For the first time EVER I’ve actually wanted someone, not just for a little kiss and cuddle but I’m talking a full time love. I mean I wouldn’t even mind sharing a bed together everyday, now that’s serious!
Lockdown whilst single has had its challenges, in the UK we have had 2 national lockdowns and we are now in our 3rd.
These consist of working from home, staying home, and only going out for 1 hour a day and for an essential shop as little as possible.
When the fuck was I supposed to find my Mr Right during this time? That’s rhetorical, because it’s bloody impossible.
I’ll give you where it wasn’t, Tinder.
As you can tell I’ve been there and done that and the app is just a bad dream for me.
Im constantly forgetting to open it and reply, and by the time I do my one true love ‘Patrick’ is already loved up, had a lockdown wedding and has a baby scan picture on instagram.
So naturally I’ve spent lockdown living through other peoples love stories, the TikTok couple that met through their apartment windows in NYC, my friend who found lockdown love online and has formed a ‘bubble’ with her boyfriend and he even bought them MATCHING WALKING BOOTS for their daily walks and my friend who’s found out she is pregnant and due very very soon!
And then there’s me, I’ve tried it all.
I’ve wore a full face of makeup pretty much every time Ive been for my essential shop, but no one can even see it because the mask really doesn’t do my round head any favours.
Glammed up for my daily walks, to put the bins out, to fill petrol, to do the ‘eat out to help out’ the 10pm pub closes and even the claps for NHS.
I’ve done it all, and you know what I give up and that’s OK.
Forever saying I won’t stress about love, I won’t stress when I’m 30, single and have no children. But, after getting diagnosed with PCOS and the complications that brings (read that blog post here) honestly gals, I’m stressing and I am anxious.
I do get anxious over the littlest things at the moment, and I am struggling to sleep a lot more than I ever have before constantly thinking the worst of every situation.
After speaking to the doctor (thank fuck for NHS) I now have online therapy.
It’s crazy really, I’m very clued up on Mental Health, it was, once a main area of my job. I am Mental Health England trained, and without sounding my own trumpet I’m super good at giving advice but I didn’t spot it on myself. I didn’t spot I was struggling, I didn’t spot I am being to hard on myself all the time.
I’m 25 years of age, I have amazing friends and a full time job with good savings how can I be unhappy and anxious?
But you know what, I’m single & in the middle of a pandemic, so I’m going to let myself feel however I do.
I’m ready for lockdown to be lifted though, I’m ready to celebrate my friends and family and just hug and snog everyone in sight.
Reach out to your single friends, your parents friends, your loved up friends, your funny friends, your sad friends, your rich friends and your poor friends. Look out for the quiet girl in your office, a little smile (mask permitting) on your daily walk. And give everyone a little bit of hope, because we aren’t getting it from the top let me tell you.
Love you and leave you, Lizi xx