With my birthday hitting me straight in the face at the beginning of the month, like the start of a new year I’m an emotional mess.
Another year older, and I feel like even though I’ve always been happy with not knowing what I want to do I’m shitting a brick thinking I’ll get left behind.
Unlike many people, I don’t have a destined career. I’ve always fancied the police, but then again I’ve always fancied being a model too and that isn’t going to happen.
I spent from the age of 4 – 18 in education; building my skills, gaining grades, making a CV and boom I’m plonked in the real world with Sport’s Science certificates bursting out my ears with no aspiration to do anything with them.
I still remember going to an options evening at my high school whilst I was in year 9. My mum was going through subject after subject asking which one I wanted to do in life. I was 14. 14! How the fuck did I know what I wanted to do in life? I hated history and the geography teacher was a nut job.
So I chose my subjects based around that, and mainly and most importantly based around what my mates were choosing. I’m 9 years on from this and I still remember it clear as day.
Growing up is honestly fucking crazy, it honestly seems like it was only a few months ago that I was sneaking in my mum’s house at 5am aftercrazy nights out with the girls. Getting my head down for 2 hours and heading to Handforth for a 7 hour shift Tesco’s. But it’s not a few months ago at all, it’s been 5 whole years.
I suppose though looking back within that 5 years I’ve been bloody busy. I fell in love, moved into a house together, decorated and settled into the average adult life, fell out of love, broke up, changed jobs 4 times(!), lived with a housemate, lived alone, and lived with my best friend.
I’ve grown so much recently and when my snapchat ‘on this date’ pops up I realise how different my life is from a year ago, or 2 or 3. A good different, a happy different.
I still have dreams though, I honestly still believe in love even after getting hurt. I still believe one day my dream job (whatever that maybe) will just hit me in the face and I’ll make £10,000 in my first month.
Until then though, I guess I need to remember not to be a selfish bitch and mainly enjoy the coming years with my best friends by myside.
Love you and leave you,